A Case Acute Perfection

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Gas is switched off, door is bolted, Gas is switched off, door is bolted, ……… Repeat.

This the story of Sarai and her paranoia for perfection.

Perfection is the state or quality of being perfect. Void of any error. ‘It is Humane to err’, they say.

Sarai wanted to get things right, but the problem was she wanted it right every time. She took pride in her perfection, but she did not know that this was becoming her Pet Paranoia, which she did not want to let go of.

An office runner with an adorable daughter and a dotting husband. Life was beautiful. She made sure it was beautiful. She watered her life and turned it into a flowery garden. People saw her life blooming.

She was an example of a wise and good, wife, mother and daughter.  Sarai believed in ‘Work first, then Enjoy’. She would keep the best for the last. You should see the bliss and pride on her face when she sits down after completing her work. There is a sense of fulfillment when you see a pristine clean house, everything set for the next day, all payments ready, new investment options settled. She moved most of her food items from normal to super food list and said to herself, ‘We are good’.

She would not quench a twig without a reason. All smiles and hearts for all her best friends, good friends and nice friends on FB. Words of encouragement and listening ear to her family and extended family, even when eyes are closing and body is dysfunctional for lack of sleep.

Every challenge accepted and completed like a ‘Super Woman’, while everyone just cheered, ‘Sarai you are a miracle’, ‘How do you manage yaa’.

Sarai’s advice to her friends,  ‘Just ask yourself how difficult can it be, then no challenge is difficult.’ Her house was filled with, Out of the world gadgets. Guess a House Robot is next on her list. She din’t even want a maid. As a perfectionist, she’d say, ‘I’d trust myself or gadgets, Can’t trust people to do your work, you know’.

Sarai was a loving caring mother and wife, but her folly was perfection. Now her quest for perfection started telling on her health.  She was tired all the time, not amount of rest could help her. As if laziness had taken over her, she’d slouch anywhere, her active life was in the dungeons. Finally she started forgetting things. ‘When did I say that’, I cant remember where I kept the keys’.

One night, after finishing her work in the kitchen, she wondered if she had turned off the gas connection and locked the door, she promptly checked and closed the door. Feeling exhausted, she sat on the chair, checked updates, liked some pics on social media. Again, a thought wandered in her mind, she was shocked to realize that she just could not remember if she had locked the door and switched off the gas. She was embarrassed to check again, but she had to. She checked and everything was in order.

The problem just got worse. The sad state is, now before going to bed, Sarai speaks to herself, ‘Gas is switched off, door is bolted, gas is switched off, door is bolted’. This she does till she walks up to her bed, if not, she will have to turn back and check again.

Sarai was humiliated beyond words, what would her husband think if she told him about her forgetfulness. She was wise enough to talk to her doctor about this, who told her that this is called Brain Fog.

A positive Thyroid test hit her like a thunderbolt. The perfection that Sarai was, she did not want to depend on daily pills from now on. Determined to get rid of this condition she started looking for herbal remedies and started implementing it. However, the results are going to take time advised the herbal wellness clinic.

One of the many reasons for Thyroid, is extreme physical and mental stress, coupled with poor food habits. Sarai tried to fit so many things in her schedule. This left her no time to take care of herself. She knew she did this to herself. And one repercussion of Thyroid is Brain Fog.

Brain Fog is a thyroid condition, where the person is unable to concentrate and forgets simple things. Like you walk into a room and wonder, why did I come here. It can be dangerous when you forget something on the stove or Godforbid, forget to pick children from school.

Sarai knew that she has abused her strength and not listened to her body. Not because she could not afford rest, but because she wanted every thing to be dealt by her, everything should pass her hands, everything perfect.

Perfection with machines and digits is the norm of the day, but perfection with people is a strange disease. It affects the mind, body, heart, relations and thereby our life.

Sarai has now learnt to slow down. Humbly she has accepted life as it comes and even importantly she understood that everything need not be perfect.

No one’s perfect, True.

 

 

When life gives you lemons

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Heard this so many times, you think. Well when Life hands you lemons make lemonade. Why just lemonade. If life hands you too many then, extract the juice, freeze it. Drink, lose weight, add in a facial and glow, get the rind and make some salad.

This is not determination or courage. This has been the survival theory since humankind. We have complicated life enough. Do I mean that we have to be beings sans emotion. Definitely not.

Let me give you an example, the word depression became a lasting fad from the late 80’s. Ask a daily wage earner what they know about depression. They are clueless, because they are either happy and laugh, they are angry and fight or they are sad and cry.

But they never stop and droop, they don’t know what is binge eating, they don’t splurge shop, nor do they stare into nothingness for hours in depression. They just take stock of the situation, grieve over it, weep. They will do something if they can or just move on.

The most humane reaction to defeats in life is to move. Movement is the very thing life is made of.

Does that not make life simple? Different people faced with the same situation, but our reaction is different. It’s how we see things.

Diane and Dawn are two sisters; both are going through a bitter experience in their married life.

Diane says “Why me, what wrong have I done. My husband does not deserve me.”

Dawn says “I’m blessed, this could have been worse. I know my faults, I have received many undeserved blessings.”

A true and unbiased evaluation of oneself is the secret to contentment. Valuing ourselves more than we actually are is the root cause of all dissatisfaction.

The law of nature is humility. It is said, The humble shall surely inherit the earth.

Life is movement. The earth like an athlete runs its course, each and every single day, since its creation. The heart beats throughout out our life. The creation follows a course and a rhythm of life. This movement is the reason we are all alive.

It is this movement that is the essence of life. We also when we are faced with defeat, we should take the natural course, which is moving and definitely move forward for better.

One thing to learn from that Lurking Stranger

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Of all the situations I’ve come across or say the residue of all my learning, listening to distressed wives, who have wavering husbands or vice versa. They all talk about, “The Lurking Stranger”.

Many believe and argue that this Lurking stranger is insurmountable, angelically beautiful or handsome. They have the most polite mannerisms. I’ve heard this from plaintive spouses.

History is my witness, beauty is not to blame. I’ve read about that handsome eligible bachelor who has dated surreal beauties, but have cheated. The most committed and loving guy’s trust is shattered by his love.

While I ponder upon this, there is one act that stands out. The Stranger gives undivided attention, they just listen and make you feel valued. They become the new emotional island, that one would love to be with.

With all humility I dare say, this is one quality to learn from this Stranger.

I neither advocate staying in a bad relation nor moving on, because I’m no judge. My effort is to try and clear this hazy picture of deception, or may be the cloud that covers your mind and does not allow you to take action.

The deserted partners are disillusioned and filled with a feeling of unworthiness and pain. Well Instead of relinquishing in fear and be blocked with a sense of humiliation, its time for some retrospection. Now I totally understand that this is far from easy, but this is the first step towards breakthrough.

Listen, Talk, Speak, Utter, Discuss, Converse……… Value each other. Just be with each other. Remember, when Eve was tempted, Adam was not with her. Had Adam been with her, I don’t think, the snake would have lured Eve.

Be with each other, try to spend as much time with each other. Well whoever thought life is about reaching a destination or a seven figure salary, or a huge home, clearly wasn’t thinking at all.

Life is a Journey, it is beautiful to walk with your partner.

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn’t learn something from him.” — Galileo Galilei.

Let’s learn from Life. May be you have poured out your life to water your garden. May God give you Greener Pastures.

 

 

Beautiful Garden

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“You killed me Bian”, Reeth said. “It’s like something inside me died, if God heals me I’m coming back to you or never”.  “I’m sorry Reeth… I’m sorry… very sorry.

It was as if everything was mourning.

Reeth found a mail that Bian had written to his friend. The mail said “I’m getting married because I want a wife who earns well. I’ve been supporting my family from my teenage. The girl I’m marrying…. she is not even Beautiful, it’s not a love marriage. I guess this is my fate”.

Bian and Reeth had been married for 3months now.

Bian was a very caring and loving guy, but hardships made him stern and practical. Reeth was a giver, a dreamer and believed in miracles.

As in some arranged marriage, The couple enter into a relation without getting a chance to understanding each other well. Their relation was more like a ritual.

Reeth was thought obedience and respect. Responsibilities were not new to Bian. So Reeth respected Bian and Bian saw Reeth as his new responsibility.

Time passed, Reeth won Bian with her respect and care. She listened to his life story of struggle and defeat with appreciation.

Bian had never seen such innocent and caring eyes. He was her hero. Yet they did not utter the word high profile word called Love.  They never hoped for love in an arranged marriage. But they did not know that Love would find them.

Reeth became to Bian, a beautiful garden. That’s what he called her. He craved to be with her. He started losing himself in her. Reeth had eyes only for Bian.

All they wanted was to be with each other, look into each others eyes and smile in disbelief. He could not believe that he could ever love someone so much.

He knew that even before love, Reeth respected him. That was love for Bian.

Then the fateful day came. Bian came home and found Reeth in tears. She told him about the mail. She was shattered, felt unworthy and unwanted. She thought this marriage was a compromise, he could have had someone more beautiful. She could not trust Bian’s love anymore.

Bian told her that the mail was true and that he had never expected that he would love her. But he did and madly loved her.

Days passed, it was now two days since Reeth had looked at Bian. But their eyes were always on each other. Her heart was in pain and so was he.

Bian was growing restless without Reeth. He was wanted to talk, he wanted her to look at him. She was his beautiful garden, his solace. He needed her, he wanted her. Reeth could feel his restlessness.

Reeth also missed his protective arms around her. She missed the warmth of their love.

Day four, Bian comes home to find Reeth lost in her thoughts. He hugs her and says “this is enough Reeth, I need you back. I missed you, I missed you badly.”

Reeth was so grateful that Bian hugged her. May be she was waiting for him, she wanted a sign. She knew that he had hurt her, but only he could heal her. She let him wipe her tears.

She said, “so you wanted someone beautiful and you had to compromise with me.” Bian said, “Yes it is true that you are not that beautiful, but you are mine, this is my life and it is beautiful with you.” They cried till he could no more.

Bian looked at his beautiful garden. They found peace and love again.

 

 

 

 

What happened?…..Nothing…

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The successful say, “I started with nothing”.

The poor man says, “I’ve nothing to lose”.

The girl in a turmoil of emotions says, “nothing”.

The fashionista says, “I’ve got nothing in my wardrobe”.

The couple whisper sweet nothings to each other.

Ask the mischievous kid, what they are up to, the answer is “Nothing”.

“Hey, what are you thinking ….. Nothing Much..

Everyone seems to have nothing. Everyone seems to own this so called ‘Nothing’.  There is some enormity in this word.

Ever tried to stare at Nothing. Just take a moment. Pause and think Nothing. Let your mind go blank. No thoughts, questions or emotions. We will realize our own Nothingness.

Nothingness is a virtue. Not the slightest hue of Proud Humility or Humble Pride. Both are imposters, they fool us always. Ponder upon your own nothingness and you will realize that you are just a speck in this creation. Yet you are awesome and wonderfully made.

Nothingness is gratefulness for all that I have, own and possess. Deserved and Undeserved. Nothingness is the realization of my own folly and the wisdom that dwells in me.

Nothingness is an effort of Love to give back as much good as I can, as long as I can to others.

Ever wondered why flowers are so beautifully created and yet they wither in a day. Is all their beauty for Nothing?

Yes, Nothingness is the Answer. We live in a bubble, we are just a puff of breath. We are like flowers that bloom today and are gone tomorrow. Still they are glory and love personified.

How often we say, “I have nothing to give….”.  Well that exactly what we all need…. Nothingness.

So let’s give that Nothingness.